Matters of the Heart...

When I started out on this journey, I joked about going to Ireland and finding some hot Irish guy to marry me soo I could run away to Ireland forever. And while I know that in every joke there is a little truth.. Come on, that would be a cute love story. But in my hearts of hearts that wasn't the real reason I came. I came to break away from a mold that I made for myself. It was a safe place, but it didn't give me much room to breathe. I didn't want to live life afraid to do something because it scared the crap out of me. And believe me, I was scared shitless. It didn't help that when I told most people they looked at me like I was little crazy and this was out of my league. But something inside told me to go, and after awhile it wasn't just whispering it was screaming at me. It was like one of those chance cards in Monopoly: "Do not pass Go, Go directly to Ireland." And soo no matter how painful it was to leave, I packed my bags and left. I didn't know what I was going to find or what I was looking for even. Maybe I was looking for reassurance in myself that I never really got b4 that I could make it on my own.

But of course, I'm a girl and this being the first time on a college campus, I went on dates and kissed boys and had fun. But it all left me with nothing but a feeling like something was missing.. it was like I wasn't finding what I was looking for.. and I wasn't willing to settle. So one morning after 1 too many crushes not going anywhere, I took a long hard look at myself and decided I was doing everything wrong. Just because you can do something doesn't mean that you should. So I decided that the rest of the time here was going to be spent on focusing on me, and let whatever the universe thinks I should have bring it to me.

And then a funny thing happend. It was a Friday night, Tom and Steph had gone to see the National Symphony and I found myself with nothing to do. Soo I decided that I would call up Emma and do something. We ended up at an interesting party (there was a cake with a naked chick on it).. but I was being open to new things. Everyone was pretty tired..It was the night after Stephs bday.. soo I was pretty tired. But when I got home to my apartment a strange thing happened. I came home to find Annabelle and a really cute guy sitting at my kitchen table. I remember thinking "way to go Annabelle." I went in to introduce myself and get some cake. His name was Sean and He was from Philadelphia. We all started talking and while I found most of what he said to be obnoxious but he was still able to make me laugh. There was something about him I couldn't put my finger on. He ended up staying till like 4:30am.

Its a month and a half later and we spend most of our free time together. Its a strange thing when you wake up and find yourself unexpectedly and totally unprepared to have feelings for someone else. Its always that moments where you decide to give up that the world finds a way to pull you back in. I don't know if its just the idea of it all or if it really is anything. And maybe its naive to believe that anything could come from it.. idk. To be honest I didn't even know if I would mention it on my blog for fear of looking dumb when it didnt amount to anything. But when I made the blog I decided that I was going to put the good, the bad, and the even sometimes ugly. No matter how it ends, it was part of the experience. I'm learning sometimes you just have to have a little blind faith. Good Morning America and Good Afternoon Ireland.