Sunday, December 20, 2009

the time of my life...

The last week or so of being in Ireland was craziness and I seem to have found myself a week home already and barely coming up for air now.

Because I rushed everything in at the end and after finals went to the wedding of one of my Irish relatives and then quickly got on a plane after wards.. I felt like I didn't really have much time to process the saying of goodbyes to Dublin. Part of me was relieved, because I'm not really good with goodbyes. I am usually a blubbering idiot when it comes to saying goodbye to people. So I guess I have found myself in a position of dealing with so many different emotions all at once I can barely keep track of this roller coaster I am on.

It was the other night while sitting around a scrabble board game in a friends basement when someone asked me "So, you said you learned so much about yourself, what did you learn exactly." I love it when people ask you questions that appear to be so simple but yet I still haven't even been able to begin to know everything that I learned. But I'm going to give it a shot now..

1. I learned that no matter how crazy the people around you think your choices are if your following your heart and listening to yourself, you can never make a bad decision. Its taken me awhile to figure out what if i listened to my instincts in the first place i could have saved myself a lot of drama and heartache. When I found myself applying and accepting to go to Ireland the voice wasn't just telling me but screaming. it was hard to ignore. And then after I got there I didn't really have the family and friends around me that I'm so used to bouncing ideas off of and so I found myself in situations that I didn't really have anyone to listen to but myself. And so at one point, I said to myself 'alright for once i'm going to listen to you first and see where it leads me,' I've been doing that since and having great success with it. lol.

2. No regrets. Things go wrong, people make mistakes, I make mistakes. There isn't any point in beating yourself up over it. It was only a waste of time if you didn't learn anything from it. Even if your left brokenhearted, it doesn't mean it wasn't worth your while.

3. I can pretty much do anything I set my mind to. Believing a theory and believing a practice are two different things. You can know something in theory that you can do anything and have the options but to know because you have taken yourself out of your comfort level and actually done things you thought you never in a million years would, is empowering.

4. A sense of pride for myself. I think a lot of people spend their whole lives wanting to make someone in their life proud of them. But when I look back on the past couple of years and see everything I accomplished and how I made it all happen.. I'm proud of myself and that's something that no one can ever take away from me. So I guess what I'm trying to say is.. why waste your life seeking the approval of someone when really the only persons approval you really need is your own.

5. Making judgments. Deep down we all do it, and we all know that its not the nicest thing to do but I guess its just the way it is. So while you can say till your blue in the face that you don't make judgments or that you shouldn't/wont, I know I still will but I did see the power of moving pass my judgments and actually getting to know someone.

6. somethings you don't apologize for. the way you feel, as irrational and as stupid as it may appear to the outside world, it is your truth. no justifications needed. and while the world may not revolve around me..making sure i am fed and well rested generally leads to a better world for all parties involved.

7. sometimes you just have to leave it up to the universe to decide for you. trying to define everything and make everything fit into a box is worthless. letting things go and allowing them the freedom to define themselves over time isn't.

Those are only a few things.. I'm sure there are plenty of things i have yet to even started to comprehend. I am going to miss Dublin and Ireland. I think part of me found a home there I never knew I had and to be honest I feel like deep down in my heart, its only a goodbye for a short while, one day I will go back and maybe even stay. But for now as I look back on my time in Ireland, it was everything I ever dreamed that it would be and more. I for sure feel like I may have left my heart there... I'll be seeing you Ireland. Peace Out.


While my life may not be as eventful as it was in Ireland.. my new blog is:
http://megsirishheartinamerica.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

finals and headaches

finals ended up being not so great. on the bright side all the studying i did for pagan celts and hero tales managed to pay off. I wrote 5 essays and was pretty confident about them. on the not so bright side i managed to get a migraine in the beginning of my hero tales final.

about a year ago, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. it turned out to be one of the scariest days of my life as well. the headache was so bad I couldn't keep anything down even after there was nothing left in me. And it quickly escalated to me not being able to answer simple questions such as "what time is it" or even writing my own name. It was as if something had turned off in my brain and there were no connections being made from my thinking to me being able to put things into action. Needless to say I saw a neurologist afterwards and she explained everything and sent me on my way with a hand full of medicine should it ever happen again. It seems to happen about every 6 months that I get a blinding migraine that leaves me in my room unable to move. Sensitivity to light is a big factor.

The Irish don't take finals like the Americans do. Its alot more strict and is alot more stressful. I felt like I was taking the SAT again. they send you to an offcampus sight where its easily 1500-2000 students in 1 room and the lights in the room are horrible. so has they shown down on me.. I could feel the migraine starting to swiral around in my brain. I tried to finish the exam as quickly as possible but it didn't help that it look the people about a half hour to collect my test. When I got home, Sean had made me an amazing dinner that I couldn't eat.

The thing about the migraines that make them scary at least to me is that they are pretty much unpredictable. They have a mind of their own and its really just me going along for the painful ride.. and I've never been away from home or away from my neurologist when I had one. So I took all my medicine and went to sleep. I still woke up and got sick even though the medicine is supposed to prevent that from happening. It was in that moment I knew that it was my bodies way of saying it was time to come home.

I still woke up and went to my last final on Tuesday..but being that I couldn't study the night before I don't think I did very well. Sometimes you just have to accept when there is nothing you can do about it and just move on. It is a little disappointing because Sociology was the closest class to my major but there is nothing I can do about it now.

Monday, December 7, 2009

coming up to the finish line..

Well I've managed to woke up this morning and see the finish line right in front of me. I woke up at 7am and finished my feminism final and passed it in by 8:30. Not my best piece of work but after about 3000 words you can't help but ramble. Today I have an exam at 3:00 (Pagan Celts) and 6:00 (Hero Tales). Its nice to get the two exams that are connected out of the way the same day, though studying for them was a bit daunting because it was the same stuff over and over again since Wednesday. Last night around 7, I hit my "If I don't know it now, I'm not going to know it tomorrow morning" slump. I always reach it. It feels like your brain has been expanded so much that to fit anything more in would just be too much. All my exams this semester are essay questions.. its a blessing and a curse. While I generally can b.s a paper without too much effort.. b.sing a paper that I have no prior knowledge on the subject is more like pulling teeth. At this point though I feel like I have the bare bones and the basic grasp of these things the Irish call tales. By the end of the day there should be a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. (Hopefully)

Not only have I been studying since Wednesday. I also managed to have an allergic reaction to the medicine that the doc gave me. My Mother managed to not inform me that my father is allergic to amoxicillin. I would have thought that would be information that you would include with what my blood type is but I guess not. Soo I noticed bumps like bug bites that didn't itch all over my body. it took a few days bc there were a few on my arm but then they grew in number and then started going from my arms, to my neck, to my stomach and to my back. I stopped taking the medication and on Saturday I called the doc and was told to go to the St. James Hospital clinic. Soo Annabelle and I hopped a cab and went down to the hospital. She gave me another slip and a note that could technologically get me out of my exams till the 12th but I was told its a real bitch and a half trying to retake exams
here.

So while all of this is going on I also have the wedding and the arrival of DeeDee to prepare for. I have started to pack up my room. While it may seem premature, I have noticed that I need to do things like packing up my life in stages to help make the process a little more bare-able. Anyways, back to the wedding soo I decided that I wanted to look for a dress. Fashion in Ireland, lets just say its not really my style. I wouldn't say that I dress conservatively but I guess my style is more of a classic look then anything else. I wear alot of cotton and go for more simple verses fussy. I remember getting in fights with my mother as a kid about clothes and what I would and wouldnt wear. There may have been battles. I hated things that were puffey and that itched and baggie. I may not have been the easiest child to dress. So here in Ireland, the fashion is the shorter the better. And the quality for the price is just not something I can bring myself to pay for. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind spending the money on something that will last but something paper thin isn't worth 100 euro to me. Not any day of the week.

So after looking in 100 stores trying to find something that didn't show off too much skin, after all one of the things Mommy said to me was : Don't embarrass DeeDee. So being that I am going to a wedding with Deedee and to an event that culturally is different then anything I've been to before, I figured the more conservative the better. Soo I walked into Laura Ashley. I remember my Mother dressing me in Laura Ashely clothes as a little girl. I found a black dress that was simple and on sale. Yes, On sale. http://www.lauraashley.com/Dresses/FLORAL-PRINTED-WAIST-DRESS/invt/md643blackp The only thing was.. it was a bit too long. I looked a little like a 12 year old. I'm 22, you would think this wouldn't be an issue but sadly it is ( i know i won't mind when im 40 and i look 30). So I didn't buy the dress then, I held off, but sometimes this thing happens where I'll find something and its like it just calls me for days after. That is generally when I go back and buy it. Soo on Saturday I went back, looked at the dress again and the sales women told me a place close by to have it shortened. Because I decided that if the dress was just shorted to about my knee it would be perfect. I'm really excited to pick it up on Wednesday. :-)

I think I may be making a last and final trip in Ireland on Wednesday to Belfast. It would end up being a really long day but being that its been finals and I've been soo worn out I haven't really been able to see any more of Ireland. I have this inkly of a feeling that I'll be back so its not that big of a deal, but I just sometimes wish that I had more time. But, don't we all. Alrighty, time to get back to studying.

Good Morning Ireland and Good Morning America.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

busy busy bee

Well my days in Ireland are numbered at this point. I started out the month well with a nice sinus infection. It this point, I can diagnose them myself. So I braved the Irish winds and went to the doctor. I was able to get some of my favorite Marks and Spencer soup. :-) Hopefully, I will be better in a few days.

So right now I am beginning to start getting into study mode. Or at least I have made the realization that I should be getting into study mode. Irish schools give final exams much differently then American schools. As of right now, I have 3 exams, each exam consisting of 3 essay questions. To which I have no idea what they will be.. and the exam is worth about 80% of my grade in every class. If that isn't a recipe for success I'm not sure what is. Also we have to walk 2 miles to get to the testing center. I'm not really looking forward to this experience I have to admit. I just wish I was done with school. I'm a wee bit burnt out.

I feel like there are so many things I still want to do in Ireland that I haven't gotten a chance to do and at this point I have no time to do any of them. Deedee,Uncle Ed and Aunt Sheila will be arriving next week and I'll be spending the weekend with my Irish relatives at a wedding. Hopefully my life will lead me back to Ireland at some point..

Good Evening America.. Goodnight Ireland.

Monday, November 30, 2009

i asked for a sign and then a fox appeared.

When you know something painful is coming, your first response is to brace yourself for whatever may be coming your way. Even if its something that can't be seen.. many a time you want to revert back to when your a child and if you close your eyes and hide your face the scary thing thing won't get you. Most of the time its not the actual entity or the action but the fear that paralyzes you. Fear. It's a bitch. While in many cases it keeps you from hurting yourself. at what point does that fear just hold you back and not able to experience something that could turn out to be wonderful and scary all at the same time.

And the idea of holding on or letting go. The two most common things I've heard in my life is : if you love something you set it free and if it comes back it was always yours and if it doesn't it never was. and if you find someone worth loving never give up. don't let it slip through your hands.

Well if those aren't the most conflicting messages in the world, then i don't know what are. How do you know when to stand up and fight for what you believe it and when to sit down and shut up and just let the universe take care of it.

There has been many times in my life where I find myself at a crossroads, knowing the direction in which I need to take but still having some hesitation. And call it childish, say its naive, but I find myself sometimes put it out to the universe for some guidance. I simply ask for a sign. Something to tell me I'm doing the right thing. And most the time I either forget what the sign was or nothing happens. But there was one time where I was driving Tjay home and I just had a feeling that something was in the woods. This feeling of being watched and idk maybe it was in my head but at night I always felt like Sean (a friend who died in Devonwood) was watching the cars drive in and out at night. And soo I said to myself "Alright Sean, if your there show me." And as I drove home when I got the main gate, there is the driveway across the street was a fox. It looked straight at me and scurried away. I suppose it all depends on what you believe in but in that moment, chills went down my spine. Later, I asked my mom what a fox was a symbol of and she said they were messengers.

Soo the other night, while I was unable to sleep. As the idea of leaving Ireland was beginning to sink in and the realization of what I would be leaving behind was slowly creeping into my mind. And I sat there afraid. Afraid of which path to choose.. at how unfair the world can be and questioning the idea of fate and destiny. And soo I asked for a sign again. I said "Ok, if its meant to be, the fox that Annabelle saw will appear." And 10 minutes later, a fox ran right across the center of Belgrove. Not in the bushes, not in the unlit areas. Right out in the middle of the grounds with all the lights on. coincidence? or is the universe trying to tell me something? only time will tell i suppose..

soo I kinda made a turkey on saturday..

There are about 4 or 5 things I consider to create a Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey, Canned Cranberry, Green bean casserole,mashed potatoes, apple pie and maybe the pumpkin cheesecake my mother soo lovingly makes just for me.

I just I didn't really think about what it would be like not being home for Thanksgiving. I suppose I should have made more of a conscience effort to prepare myself. But it seemed that after my weekend in Paris (which was exhausting) the idea of not being home seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe it was that I wasn't really getting along with some friends (you spend as much time as we all do together and its bound to happen) or I was coming down with a cold.. but it made me miss home more then ever. I have already figured out that thing they call homesickness comes in waves. Sometimes small waves that you can see coming and sometimes huge ones that slam you to the ground when you're just coming up for air. As the time I have left here comes to a close and its coming up faster and faster the idea of leaving is bittersweet. To be around friends and family who understand your quarks and are still obligated to love you is a blessing.

UCD sponsored a Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday but I had a feeling to go and try to pretend that the food they were serving would be anything remotely as good as what the rest of my family was eating would be like window shopping. Just cruel. Don't try to sell me tofu and tell me its turkey. I won't believe you. So Sean and I walked to Tesco and we found turkey. It was frozen. Apparently turkeys aren't from Ireland. who knew? Soo we decided on the spot that we would make thanksgiving dinner on Saturday (giving the turkey time to thaw) and that we would make a small roasted chicken. So on Thanksgiving day, I made with my own two little hands (because Sean seemed to have work to do for school right around 4, making him M.I.A, boys are smart) I made a roasted chicken with stuffing, grilled garlic spinach, and baked sweet potato. After a bottle of wine though I managed to talk Sean into walking with me to get some ice cream for dessert and made a brownie sundae with barley's. It was amazing.

I'm not sure if cooking for Brad gave me complex but I seem to nit pick at everything I make and expect people to do nothing but complain about it. Sean did nothing but praise my meal and told me it was a good practice bird for Saturday. Wonderful. We managed to get left overs out of the bird and I still was able to have cold chicken and cranberry sandwich for lunch the next morning. Yummy. I can pretend atleast right?

I spent black Friday shopping with Shannon. It was relaxing.. though I went to look for a European dress for the wedding but apparently my taste isn't European enough bc I couldn't bring myself to buy anything that looked like it was from the 80's. I got back around 6 and began working on making an apple pie from scratch. I've made pie before at at home we have this wonderful thing called Pillsbury Dough Boy. It means you don't ever have to make pie crust again. Well not in Ireland, in fact I asked if they had pie crust and the women looked at me like I was nuts. I guess crust is called pastry here, not that they make it here anyways.. Soo I decided I wanted my apple freaking pie and I was going to make my own pie crust. So after finding a rolling pin and a pie pan that wasn't really a pie pan (its a cake pan, but you use what you can find here in Ireland).

So it was a Friday night and there I was peeling apples and rolling out dough till 10..determined to create an edible pie. I wouldn't let anyone eat it till Saturday though.

So Saturday, I woke Sean up and we walked to Tesco again and grabbed the last minute stuff and he tells me he has to meet a friend to do some project at 2. (I had to put the turkey in at 3) Again.. boys are just soo clever. Soo with a little help from Annabelle..we couldn't figure out how to get the neck out. I'm not really a big fan of touching raw meat, especially raw meat that is still in the shape of its once alive form. But I pulled through, and even stuffed the damn thing. I just kept telling myself that I was going to have to learn how to do this one day.. my mother won't be around forever. Soo I also took the time while the turkey cooked to vacuum the apartment, do two loads of laundry, and clean the kitchen about 10 times. I seriously felt like a housewife. But as the smell of turkey filled the apartment, it started to feel like a home. Which I haven't gotten in a long time. For dinner I made turkey, stuffing, green beans, cranberry and gravy. Annabelle made mashed potatoes because mine always turn out lumpy. And of course for dessert we had apple pie with vanilla ice cream. Best Dinner Ever. All things considered, I don't think it was a bad Thanksgiving at all. And the thing that amazed me was my mother always said the judge of a good cook was when they are able to get everything out of the kitchen and warm all at the same time. Well two nights in a row I was able to get the entire meal out, all hot at the same time. I know, it made me feel awesome. I was in bed by 10 though, because I've had this cold coming on for a few days and after making the meal and cleaning and such I was just exhausted.

Sunday, I woke to find a day that meant in the Bush/Kelleher house, you stay in bed and watch movies all day. It was gray, dark, rainy and freezing. Soo I woke up around 12, watching a scary movie with Sean, and then worked on my feminism final for a bit, had thanksgiving dinner again and then watched Love Actually and passed out. It's lovely doing nothing and not having anywhere in particular you need to be.

This week is going to be full of studying though, I had exams next Monday and Tuesday. I am a bit worried because they are all essay questions and they count for 80% of the class. Hopefully they will take pity on my American soul. I'm off for a nap though, I got up at 8 and helped Aunt Mary run Aideen's preschool class for 3 hours. It was nice being around little kids again. They are a lot of fun and they are far less complicated human beings. I sometimes forget how much fun it can be to look at the world thru the eyes of a little kid.

Good Afternoon Ireland, Good Morning America.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Things to be thankful for..

As I was wondering the streets of Paris, we started talking about how we couldn't die today because there were things people wanted to see and do . I think it was in regards to going to some country or something or about how we didn't want to be stabbed by gypsies on the streets of Paris. But as Steph and Tom listed off all the places and things that they wanted to do before they died. I remember thinking to myself: If today was my last day on Earth I would only ask that I could see my family one last time. To which Steph and Tom looked at me like I had 3 heads. I feel like since being in Dublin and in Europe.. I've realized that its the little things that matter the most. You never know how good you've got it until its gone. And at the end of the day, you can see the world. you can stand on mountains looking down at everything you have accomplished but if there isn't someone standing next to you or someone waiting at the bottom for you.. I feel like it didn't really matter. One of my favorite songs is by Brandi Carlile "The Story" and in it she says:

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to

I guess on this Thanksgiving, I understand what she meant. If you don't have at least one person in this world who understands your short comings and still takes you as you are. Issues, phobias, annoying tendencies and all then nothing else really matters.




Good Afternoon Dublin and Good Morning America.

Ahh Paris..

We left Dublin around 7:30 for Paris on Friday. I was very excited. I took french for about 6 years.. not that I was ever really good with speaking the language but I always felt like seeing the Eiffel Tower was on my list of things to do before I died. We arrived in France around 12am and then didn't get into our hotel and eat food until around 1:30am. We were awake and ready to tour Paris by 5:30. Tom had planned out the entire day because he had been in the city before and soo we took off to watch the sun rise over Paris at some church. I know, it would probably be a better reenactment of the day if I remembered what all the buildings were, but I don't and needless to say we walked up a lot of steps and the view was amazing. I guess its the highest point in Paris except for when your on the Eiffel Tower. We stayed for awhile and around 7.. I needed coffee and food. Soo we made our way to the red light district of Paris, where the Moulin Rouge is.. Of course the only songs I sang to myself while walking in Paris were from the movie Moulin Rouge soo it was fitting that I atleast see the place. We got a cafe au lait and a chocolate du pain (sp?) at some side bakery. Steph had the best french out of the group soo I opted for her to order everything for me (or I would just point and say "that one.") The breakfast was amazing but being American it didn't really fill me up. I had decided that if I was going to walk around for another 8 hours I was going to need more then just a pastry. Soo we stopped into the good old mickey d's. I was amused when I walked in to find 4 cross dressers ordering food. To be honest its extremely hard not to stare. Not that I really cared what they were doing but to just look at their clothes and makeup was fascinating to me. I didn't let myself look too long I didnt want to be rude. I was an American in France after all. We then made our way over the Louvre. We mainly used the metro to get around and I'm only going to say this once.. their metro system smells like pee. For all the things France is good at.. you would think that clearing the urine smell problem from their public transportation system would be one of them. Moving on, we got the Louvre and met up with Erica. We didn't go in because we were on a tight schedule and it costs 9 euros. I like art, but not that much, maybe when I go back and can mossy around for hours I will feel that 9 euros is money well spent. I still had to see the Eiffel Tower after all. We wondered around for awhile, got another cafe au lait and found bathrooms. We managed to make our way over Notra Dame. (I'm sure Libby is laughing at my french spelling) It was very pretty but there were a lot of gypsies. I'm not really a huge fan of gypsies or of anyone who asks me for money. I'm a poor college student they should be donating to my fund. We walked around Paris for a bit and found our way to the garden of love. It was gross, old people making out, not something you really need or want to see. But I'm sure if I had had someone to make out with in the garden I wouldn't have took any issue. Tom then wanted to see the Pantheon, where apparently a bunch of dead people are buried. I opted out of that tour. I was really tired at this point and I was getting hungry. So I just sat on the steps. I managed to pick up a few gifts, to later find out I was totally ripped off but I guess its bound to happen when your a tourist. We then had lunch where I ordered a cheeseburger and fries. Total American I know, but the french cuisine always upsets my stomach, and we weren't really walking where toilets were easily accessible. I must say the french made an amazing cheeseburger and fries though. I was impressed. We walked through the garden of Luxembourg. It was pretty and peaceful. After the garden, I was told that we were finally making our way to the Eiffel Tower. :-) Maybe I'm easily pleased, but I didn't really much care about anything else but the Eiffel Tower. It made me happy. We got there and apparently the french think its necessary to walk around with machine guns. I'm not sure why they do, I didn't really see any real threats, but Jesus it kind of takes away from the whole romantic experience when there is a man 4 feet from you with a gun that could kill you. Just saying.. It was about 4 or 5 by the time we got to the Tower and at this point the line was this long snake like thing and to wait in it meant hours of time. We were all tired and hungry and no one wanted to wait.. I wasn't going to stand in line alone not knowing how to get back to the hotel soo I took my pictures and never made it to the top. ::sigh:: We got back to the hotel around 6:30.. we ate a little dinner (sandwiches) and I put my head on my pillow and passed out. Everyone else got themselves up to go drink wine the french while I stayed in bed and outlined a paper. We were up for the flight at 6am and I was sleeping in my bed in Dublin by 12:30 in the afternoon.

Over all Paris was a beautiful city and I plan on going back. I feel like since we only had 4 months in Europe we booked trips that were short and in turn rushed. We basically got the highlights but I feel like there is something always missed when you do that. This just means I'll have to make my future husband take me back. Oh well. Good Afternoon Dublin and Good Morning America.

The New Moon

I awoke on the 20th of Nov, geared up for New Moon. I had just finished watching Twilight for the 10000 time and I could barely contain myself. (I hadn't been to a movie theater in about 3 months.. for those of you who know me.. movies are my life)I woke up at 9:30 to get to the movie theater for 11. If I couldn't watch a midnight showing I was going to be at the first showing of the day. I got to the movie theater and was amazed to find that they had a Ben and Jerry's ice cream store in the movie theater. Movies. Ice Cream. Twilight. Heaven. The movie theater itself was huge and very comfortable. I was very impressed.

I was sadly not as impressed with New Moon. I know the book is always better then the movie..but maybe my expectations were raised a bit too much but I found the movie lacking something. I didn't really like the vampire eyes. I feel like they were a little too over the top verses the last film. Not that the last film was an Oscar winner but I felt like maybe they were trying too hard to live up to the chemistry of Edward and Bella of the last film that it became too overdone. Also I just didn't believe the Jacob and Bella together. but maybe I'm biased. The effects from the fight scene were definitely amazing and the werewolves were award winning. Maybe they thought that the chemistry from the last film was enough to hold this one and they decided to focus more on the visual aspect. I'm not quite sure. I also didn't like the ending..it was too much of a cliff hanger. Twilight's cliff hanger was nicely done..it left you wanting more. New Moon on the other hand.. gave me the feeling like the end of the movie was just cut right from the entire movie. Maybe that works for a TV series but not for a film we have to wait to see for another year.Twilight made me want to reread the entire series. New Moon didn't give me the same feeling.

I will give them credit though.. the soundtrack once again did not disappoint. Its been on replay since I bought it on itunes. If only Rob was on it again.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

New Moon is coming.. and soo is Paris.

And soo it begins.. I have reached the point in my trip where I have less then 2 weeks of classes left and the realization that I have to write 2 papers in the next week and a half with a trip to Paris in between. In the past couple of days, its hit me that my time in Ireland is coming to an end. Its bittersweet at this point. I suppose that is the way it goes.When you are finally comfortable in one place and know your way around its time to pack up again. On Saturday night, I took the bus into the city all on my own and walked the little ways to meet all my friends. I suppose it doesn't sound like such a big deal..but as I was doing it i felt so independent. I made me a little proud and left me with a feeling that I could do anything. Oo how far I have come. I think its the little things in life that you have to learn to appreciate.

Friday, New Moon comes out. A day Libby and I have been looking forward to for a year now. I woke up yesterday and missed the kid like crazy. I don't know why but when I opened my eyes it was like the one person I wanted to talk to was the kid that has always been around annoying the crap out of me. People can say whatever they want about Twilight but I guess as dorky as it sounds its something that Libby and I do together. While she is 15 and I'm 22.. I feel like it forms a bridge between us. I certainly won't feel right seeing it without her on Friday..but I'm sure as soon as it starts I won't really mind. ;-)

Friday, I am finally making my first trip to Paris!!! I can't wait to stand next to the Eiffel Tower. Its going to be a pretty short trip but it should be a good time. Tom is coming this time and he has the ability to keep me laughing through whatever trials or tribulations we encounter. Soo.. I'm excited. This also means Thanksgiving is coming up soon and my Euro Trip of 2009!!! It feels like forever ago that we were just planning these trips. And now we are actually doing them.

I also figured out that I am finished with exams and school Dec 08. This means I have 2 weeks in Europe after school is over!! I think we are all going to plan a trip or two.. it should be good times. Good night Ireland and Good evening America.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Matters of the Heart...

When I started out on this journey, I joked about going to Ireland and finding some hot Irish guy to marry me soo I could run away to Ireland forever. And while I know that in every joke there is a little truth.. Come on, that would be a cute love story. But in my hearts of hearts that wasn't the real reason I came. I came to break away from a mold that I made for myself. It was a safe place, but it didn't give me much room to breathe. I didn't want to live life afraid to do something because it scared the crap out of me. And believe me, I was scared shitless. It didn't help that when I told most people they looked at me like I was little crazy and this was out of my league. But something inside told me to go, and after awhile it wasn't just whispering it was screaming at me. It was like one of those chance cards in Monopoly: "Do not pass Go, Go directly to Ireland." And soo no matter how painful it was to leave, I packed my bags and left. I didn't know what I was going to find or what I was looking for even. Maybe I was looking for reassurance in myself that I never really got b4 that I could make it on my own.

But of course, I'm a girl and this being the first time on a college campus, I went on dates and kissed boys and had fun. But it all left me with nothing but a feeling like something was missing.. it was like I wasn't finding what I was looking for.. and I wasn't willing to settle. So one morning after 1 too many crushes not going anywhere, I took a long hard look at myself and decided I was doing everything wrong. Just because you can do something doesn't mean that you should. So I decided that the rest of the time here was going to be spent on focusing on me, and let whatever the universe thinks I should have bring it to me.

And then a funny thing happend. It was a Friday night, Tom and Steph had gone to see the National Symphony and I found myself with nothing to do. Soo I decided that I would call up Emma and do something. We ended up at an interesting party (there was a cake with a naked chick on it).. but I was being open to new things. Everyone was pretty tired..It was the night after Stephs bday.. soo I was pretty tired. But when I got home to my apartment a strange thing happened. I came home to find Annabelle and a really cute guy sitting at my kitchen table. I remember thinking "way to go Annabelle." I went in to introduce myself and get some cake. His name was Sean and He was from Philadelphia. We all started talking and while I found most of what he said to be obnoxious but he was still able to make me laugh. There was something about him I couldn't put my finger on. He ended up staying till like 4:30am.

Its a month and a half later and we spend most of our free time together. Its a strange thing when you wake up and find yourself unexpectedly and totally unprepared to have feelings for someone else. Its always that moments where you decide to give up that the world finds a way to pull you back in. I don't know if its just the idea of it all or if it really is anything. And maybe its naive to believe that anything could come from it.. idk. To be honest I didn't even know if I would mention it on my blog for fear of looking dumb when it didnt amount to anything. But when I made the blog I decided that I was going to put the good, the bad, and the even sometimes ugly. No matter how it ends, it was part of the experience. I'm learning sometimes you just have to have a little blind faith. Good Morning America and Good Afternoon Ireland.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Wondering in the streets of London..

Thursday morning I awoke with another annoying sore throat. I wasn't all that surprised because due to Halloween, I was standing in the rain for about a good hour or hour and a half and I wasn't properly dressed because well, it was Halloween. Soo anyways, what I didn't bank on was this illness sneaking up the day before I left for London. Not only the day before but I was leaving for London at 4:30 am on Friday. This didn't leave me much time to make sure it wasn't strep again, or really make the decision of staying home and just eating the 70 euro airplane ticket was worth me feeling better faster.

It was about 10pm when I decided that I was going to go to London and of course I hadn't printed my tickets yet soo I had to make the trip to the library. I think this weekend taught me that generally the things that you should be doing or is the right thing to be doing generally should be the smoothest ride. I'm not sure why but from the very beginning of this trip, I didn't really have a good feeling. It was as if something in my gut was saying "umm.. maybe not." Soo there I was walking alone around 10:30 to the library to get a plane ticket for a trip I wasn't really all that excited about and I didn't feel good. When I got to the library I had forgotten my student id card and my credit card sooo I had to walk all the way back to my apartment and all the way back to the library. To be honest, I was very close to saying "screw it" but then the idea of throwing away 70 euro killed me soo I continued on. With some difficulty I managed to print the tickets and get home to pack up my stuff. I settled into bed to watch some Grey's Anatomy. I watched the bomb episode from season 2. I don't know why but that episode is probably one of my favorite episode. Morbid I know, but for some reason, I guess every once in awhile I feel like my hand is stuck inside a body with a bomb and I just want to look over at someone and say I'm scared and have them tell me everything will be ok.

Sean ended up coming over shortly after and we talked till about 3 am. I wasn't really tired and I guess I was more in the mood to be grumpy verses anything else. Poor guy had to deal with me. Anyways my alarm woke me up bright and early at 4:30am. I was dressed and leaving Sean soundly sleeping in my bed by 4:45 (so unfair). I met Erica and Steph and we went to the atm. Erica went first and had her atm card eatin by the atm. another bad Oman. I did have half a mind to leave right then and there and go back to sleep. But since it wasn't my card, I thought maybe it wasn't a Oman for me but for Erica. We went down to the bus stop and waited for about 30 minutes for the Aircoach. Stephs flight was at 6:45.. We decided to hop a cab soo Steph wouldn't miss her flight. We got through security and the rest of the airport experience unscathed.

Erica and I ended up on the same flight and we landed in London around 10:30 or so. I realized at this point I hadn't eaten anything at this point but a cup of coffee, nor had I slept since 4:30 am and I was running on an hour of sleep. Soo I bought a wrap and a lemon-aid and soo started the morning/afternoon of me falling a sleep on every form of transportation we sat on for longer like 10 minutes. We successfully found our way through the rail and tub and the streets of London to the hostel. The man at the desk told us that we wouldn't be able to get into the room till 2. I nearly collapsed right then and there. It was only 11:30 and I was already falling asleep. On the bright side, we were told that there was a bus that started and ended right in front of the hostel soo we wouldn't have to search all over creation for a bus. Since I couldn't sleep yet, we decided to go explore. We stumbled upon Parliament Square. I managed to take a few touristy pictures with the grunting and whining of Erica and Steph. Then we went off and started roaming in different directions, we managed to find our way to the national gallery. The fountains were pretty. I didn't get any pictures tho. We had a cup of coffee and then we decided to walk back. I fell asleep on the bus ride home. First time in my life that I was that exhausted, I don't think my body has ever just shut down on public transportation before. It was kind of like when I had mono when I would just sit down on a coach and I'd be out in 2 seconds. But I was on a bus.. kinda gross. I think we got back right at 2 and I made my bed and crawled into it. I didn't wake up till 5.

When I awoke, I found Erica and Steph a bottle deep in red wine, with a box of ritz and some cheese. They were sitting on the balcony in the rain, giggling and telling their life stories. Since sitting in the rain isn't really my scene and I felt like maybe it was time for them to sober up a little, we went to get dinner. They wanted Italian. I found it humorous that we would go to London for Italian food but ask and you shall receive. After much wondering in the rain we settled on a place called The Italian Eatery or Italian Factory or something to that affect. It was small and quaint and everyone had Italian accents. Maybe I am spoiled by my own lasagna or maybe I'm just used to my own but I wasn't impressed with their lasagna. Not enough cheese, and the meat was nothing to write home about. Also it was tiny. When I get Italian, I expect to have enough for breakfast the next morning. I got a square. Sooo I decided I would get some tiramisu. Which is my favorite dessert in the world. You would think that in an Italian place it would be good. Again nothing to write home about. Steph's dinner put her mouth on fire. I was actually going to order what she got but when I saw chillies in the description I decided to play it safe. I don't appreciate my mouth being on fire. Steph also got bread pudding.. that was to die for. It made me want my Mom's bread pudding. ::sigh:: Everyone was stuffed and exhausted soo we made our way back to the hostel. On the bus ride home Steph was the one who was falling asleep. I didn't get a picture tho because she kept waking up but it was funny. We got back to the hostile and called it a night.

We were all up and awake and ready to go by 9:30. We had free breakfast that consisted of toast and coffee. I noticed that I have started to drink more coffee here. I'm not sure why, I wasn't much of a fan at home but here I find that its hard to get through a long day without one. We hopped on the 24 bus and headed for Buckingham Palace. We found it with little issue and when we got there we happened to have stumbled upon the guard change. Its funny how things like that happen. I must say that while I was there I felt like the British guards were quite rude to the people. I felt more like a peasant then anything else. Sometimes I just want to scream, I may be a tourist but I do understand English and I'm not an idiot. One guard called a women stupid for trying to cross the street when no cars were going. Then another guard yelled at this Chinese women (not to say she didn't deserve it) but when she yelled at her she said something to the affect of "Do as your told." I felt like I was 5 years old again, and I didn't want to do something and I was being yelled at for it.

Anyways, we then decided to make our way over the London Eye. We bought our tickets and had about an hour or so to kill soo we ate some Mcdonald's. I finally found fries that taste like the ones at home. Amazing. Btw I also have learned that Europe doesn't believe in honey mustard. I can't find it anywhere. Soo around 1, Steph and I boarded our capsule and took the London Eye to the top and saw London from every direction. I was amazing, something everyone should experience once in their lives. We got very lucky because the weather was beautiful and we were able to get a good view of everything. After we got off the Eye, we went and had some soft serve vanilla ice cream. Yum. Erica wanted to take a river cruise to the London tower, soo we boarded the ship and set sail.

The ride was rather short lived and to be honest I just had some alone time with my Ipod. The thing about traveling is when you go with a bunch of people, you not only have to manage dealing with the foreign land and how they do things but you also have to deal with how the people in your group travel as well. Its not the easiest thing in the world because everyone has their own idea of fun.

Our next destination was The Globe Theater. After we got a little lost, we managed to find it. Call me dumb, but I didn't actually know that the orginal was knocked down and had a bridge put on top. The replica was amazing. They had a cool exhibt that gave some history of London and how life was back in the time of The Globe. It was definitly worth going too. At this point it was about 5 in the evening.. and soo we all decided to head back to the hostile.

Now the next part, has some explanation needed. When Erica was flying to Dublin.. she met a guy on the plane. He was going to London and they apparently hit off. Soo when he invited her to come to London to go to a party he was hosting she said Yes. And about 2 months ago when we booked the trip.. the idea of going to a party while in London didn't seem like such a bad idea. After all I didn't really want someone I knew going off alone to meet some guy who they barely knew. Call me a worry wart.. call me uptight..call me whatever you want. But I just don't think its the best idea in the world. And soo I agreed to go with her. But as the time got closer and closer and more and more info was shared. (Like me realizing we wouldn't be in the city for this party) I became more and more nervous. I guess in the past I have learned that I have to have some control over how I'm exiting a party. And whether I have the option to leave a situation if I don't find that I like it. Well the closer and closer I got to this situation.. I felt this tightening of my throat and just an uneasiness. Now, I'm sure the guy was a nice guy. I'm sure he doesn't hang around with bad people.. but the truth of the matter is you never know, and while I'm traveling in a foreign country there are some risks I'm not willing to take.

We ended up getting lost on the way back from The Globe. I would say its a safe conclusion to say that we spent about half of the time in London lost. We got back to the hostel and ate dinner and over dinner it came to me. Erica and Steph wanted to go to the party.. I only the other hand wasn't in the mood to party.. I didn't want to go. But I didn't want to stay in a hostel in London alone either. So I decided that I would go to the town they were staying in and book a hotel. So I went online, found a Best Western and booked a room. I guess in retrospect I could have found a cheaper place but I just had this voice in my head saying "Mom, would want you to be safe in a place and somethings you don't go cheap on." The moment I booked the hotel all my anxiety disappeared and I was actually able to enjoy the rest of the evening. It was as if this big weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could finally not have to worry about where I was sleeping that night.

We made it to the train station and with a little difficulty we managed to figure out the train system. things Didn't seem as straight forward as I would have liked. There was this big moving board that had train times of departures. I didn't understand why they only tell you like 5 minutes b4 the train leaves which platform its leaving from. It didn't make much sense to me. When our train stopped in (I forgot the name of the place) I parted ways with Erica and Steph. Part of me didn't think it was the best idea to split up but as my mother always says "Survival of the fittest." At the end of the day I only need to worry about myself and let others do what they may.

I spent 50 pounds (about $80) on the hotel. It was worth it. As soon as I walked into the room it was nice and toasty warm. First thing I did was turn on the TV. I haven't watched a TV in months. I found CSI.. nothing like watching American TV in England. I poured myself a glass of wine, sat down and wrote in my journal and then took a nice long shower and finished with a cup of tea and biscuit. It was a nice end to a very long tiring 48 hours.

The next morning, Steph met me in the lobby and we were off to the airport. The train wasn't as easy as it was made out to be but we managed to figure it out and made it to the airport with just enough time. We were both on separate flights soo I ended up having to wait in the Gatwick airport alone for about an hour or so. If anything I felt more like a grown up and independent then ever. I have figured out how to navigate a foreign city, airport and book/stay in my own hotel room. its the little things that matter.

We made it back to UCD by around 4 or so and we parted ways with the intention of meeting for dinner around 6. Around 6:30-7 Steph, Tom, Annabelle, Sean and I were all gathered in my apartment laughing and ordering wings and pizza. All in all it was a good experience. Somethings I'm not sure I need to experience again but experience none the less. I fell asleep nice and warm in my bed to the sound of football in the background.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Tinkerbell and Sibling Rivalry..

Last Thursday was the beginning of our Halloween celebration here in Dublin. Steph was a Mexican, Tom was a china man, Sean was a rugby player and I was Tinkerbell (I don't know how many times I have to say that..haha) anyways Brooke was hosting a party in celebration of Halloween with candy corn, pumpkins and alcohol. It turned out to be a fun night. Though Sean and I left early so that we could watch the world series. (Side note: On Wednesday when Sean and I sat down at about 1am to watch the World Series.. of course we couldn't get any of the usual websites to work.. soo because I'm an understanding girl at how important the world series.. I pulled out my card and got us access to watch it. I just think its so cute how excited boys get over their sports)I ended up passing out before the game was over.Yankees won (Im sure Don is proud) I spent Friday in bed and being lazy. Friday night, after a day of doing nothing I decided I should at least made an attempt to do something so Tom and I went to meet Steph and her date at Doyles. I wasn't really in the mood to spend a lot of money soo we only stayed for a few hours. I ended up going into Mom mood tho when I realized how many drinks Stephs date was feeding her. It ended up working out but there were a few hours where I thought I might have to get out of bed and get in a taxi after her. Saturday, we had plans to go watch Sean play rugby while Stephs ex Erik was in town. The plans were changed last minute because of a stupid glitch and we just ended up eating my favorite Spar sandwich and talking. After a nap, we all made dinner together and got ready for Halloween in Dublin.

Let me just say that the night didn't turn out as expected. It was Erica's 21st day and her family was visiting from the states. So her little sister ended up coming out with us. Now I am a little sister and an older sister. I know all too well what its like to be the annoying younger sister and the annoyed older sister. When your younger and this little person comes into your life who is cuter, funnier, and smaller then you.. there isn't much you like about them. They are annoying. They take all the attention. They take your toys.. get you in trouble.. the annoyances that a little sister poses on your life are endless. So when your turning 21.. a day that is supposed to be a night of lots of drinking and all about you..and you find yourself in the position of having your younger sister around watching guys flirt and buy her drinks.. its never a recipe for anything good. Don't get me wrong my little sister is one of my best friends but there are some things and sometimes where you just want it all about you. Tho 21 may not be your wedding day.. its a pretty deal. Needless to say the night got ugly. Everyone drank way too much and tears were shed by multiple parties, including yours truly. Every other night there would have been a line of taxi's waiting outside of Temple bar, but on Halloween there were lines for taxi's everywhere. And I ended up wearing my cotton coat and of course it rained. So we ended up waiting in the pouring rain for about an hour or so. By the time I got home by 5am..I took a hot shower because I couldn't feel anything..crawled in bed with a cup of tea and then spilled the tea all over my bed and Ipod. So I think it goes without saying there is nothing about Halloween that I want to repeat in the future. I woke up on Sunday a little traumatized from the night before and decided to get up and do my laundry.. it wasn't open so I went and sat with the ducks at the pond and did some self reflection. While a lot can be said for drinking a lot and getting upset, I feel like sometimes those feelings that come out are feelings that should be looked at and try to find the deeper meaning to them. Maybe I over think things too much.. Obviously slowing down on the drinking is one of the best solutions to upset feelings but even if you don't drink those feelings are still inside of you. Soo I just took some time to think them over. I came back to my room and found out from Annabelle that Ben and Jerry's was giving out free ice cream in temple bar at a chocolate festival. To which I texted Steph "Get out of bed, we are going to get free ice cream" We decided after a night like Halloween that a day to eat our feelings would be just the thing we all needed. So Tom, Steph, Annabelle and her friend and I went to the chocolate festival. It was the best 2 euro brownie I ever had and free ice cream is just amazing on principle. After the chocolate festival we decided to go to Hard Rock Cafe for lunch/dinner. No one was really impressed. The place was tiny and the service was horrible. Eating out in Ireland has the worst waiters and waitresses. Because tips are required, it takes forever to get your drinks let alone your meal. I think its kind of a catch 22. They don't get tips so they don't perform well enough to get tips. If I received better service I would probably tip but anyways. We had a little photo session with James Joyce.. Jmac told me it was imperative that I get a photo for him.

Being that Nov 1 was Erica's official birthday we decided to stay in the city and meet her for beer and football at Wool Shed's. I think I have watched more sports in Ireland then I have in my entire life. Crazy.. who would have thought. After 2 months, I finally got my wings!!! They were decent.. a little small for my taste but they were close enough to American buffalo wings. The Eagles won (Sean was happy, Erica wasn't) We headed back to UCD around 10 and I was in bed and sleeping by 12. I didn't get anything done for school but to be honest it was prolly one of the best leisurely days I've had in Dublin. I think we have finally gotten to the point where we are comfortable walking around at our own pace and actually know where we are and how to get places without too much confusion. After a night like Saturday, I think we all just needed a day to recoup from the madness that was Halloween. I also managed to buy myself a Jacket at Gap and a few long sleeved cotton shirts. I bought the jacket just in time because the sale ended on Sunday and it seems that the weather has take a turn for the colder. Soo I got my jacket 30% off and plus another 10% because Tom knew the guy working. Shopping is like a sport to me. Finding exactly what I need when I need it is like winning a game. And the amount that I saved on the item are my points. Haha.. I am officially a huge dork. I have to go work on some papers before I leave for London this weekend. Good Evening Dublin and Good Afternoon America.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

i'm writing you, to catch you up on places ive been..

It seems like it was just a blink ago that I was last writing but as I am looking at the calendar and its been 2 weeks. Last week was pretty eventful I'd say..

Oct 16-18th:

Friday- Steph had her first date out with an Irish boy. It was very exciting, we spent the day shopping for something for her to wear. I think shopping for dates is the most exciting thing. Ever since I was in middle school, I always managed to buy a new shirt for a first date. I guess I feel like the first date has the potential to be the beginning of something great, and therefore you deserve to start it off with a new shirt. Plus even if the date sucks, atleast you got a free meal and a new shirt you look hot in. Tom and I ended up going out for dinner at Eddie Rockets(whatever the first name is) and it was amazing. I have a weakness for onion rings and milkshakes. This was also the night that I introduced to Jameson Whiskey. Which I was delighted to find out that unlike Jack, Jameson makes me want to do nothing but dance. So I decided that from now on Jameson will be my drink of choice. Saturday (17th) we decided that we would make our way down to the Oktoberfest in Dublin. By the time we made out way down, the queue was too long and we could no longer get in for free.. soo we stood in line for a little bit while some people had a beer and I ate a german pretzel and then went on our merry way to Doyles. The highlight from Sunday was buying the New Moon soundtrack.. its freaking amazing. enough said.

Oct 19-22:

Monday, I woke up for my class and brought with me a cup of coffee. That was probably one of the most inspirational cups of coffee ever, or maybe it was the lecture. My Sociology of Education is really a hit or miss class. Mostly a miss, it is long and painly dull and dry. But when it sparks my attention, its pretty good. We started talking about families and education and how the family influences a childs education. Closests I've come to material on my major which was refleshing. As soon as I got back to my room, I began writing emails to profs back in the states about programs, internships and my spring classes. Also I got all my course evaluations out soo I no longer have to worry about that. Go Me!!

Wednesday, was a pretty upsetting day. My computer broke. I think it was a virus, but all I know is the screen turned funny colors and I could no longer get on the internet and the machine kept making this beeping sound. When the reality that I could no longer connect to the internet, hit me. My poor little heart just couldn't take it and I found myself feeling like I could not be any farther away from home. Up to that point, the distance didn't seem to be that far, since my family and friends were just an IM and phone call away. But when the idea that there was no way for me to IM them whenever I wanted or needed to, I just broke down. I was proud of myself that up til that point I had only made 1 phone call home crying. But when your feeling alone in a very large large world, what is the only thing to do? call your mommy. Sooo I did. She calmed me down but I was still left with this problem of trying to fix a problem that had I been home wouldn't have been such a large issue but because I am in a foreign country and I have an American computer it doesn't make the task of fixing the problem as easy as sitting on the phone with dell( on a toll free call might I add) or just calling your parents computer tech who knows you on a first name basis bc he is over soo frequently.

Thursday, I woke up bright and early and walked me and my poor pathetic excuse of a computer to the IT building. I tried to use my "im a clueless girl, please help me" routine, but apparently i wasn't his type or my computer problem was even too big for this guy. Soo I took to calling Dell. After about 3 hours of talking to people and explaining my problem adn why I am in Ireland and how I know its an American computer that doesn't have a code in the Irish system and $200 later.. They decided the best course of action was to erase my entire computer. My 2500 songs on itunes..gone. All my college documents and photos are in limbo on a flashdrive. It wasn't until I tried to put my documents back on my computer that I realized I no longer had Word. Which is still a problem I am trying to deal with. At the end of the day, its been decided that its time for a new computer when I come home from Ireland.

After all my problems with my computer, Sean (A guy from Philly, who I met through Annabelle on her bday) and I walked to Tesco and he made me dinner. We had chicken breasts with motzeralla, tomato,and basil and I made my Mom's garlic spinach. It was very yummy. After dinner, I had a drink with some girls from Irish class and we later on meet up with Sean and his roommate in the city.

Friday was the beginning of Bank Holiday!! This past weekend since everyone (those who didn't procastinate, like me and steph) went out of the country on holiday. When Steph and I got around to finding places to go the prices were jack up soo much, so we decided we were going to have our own Ireland Tour. Since we have soo many trips booked in Nov and Dec, we didn't really have any time to travel in Ireland.. soo we decided 3 citys and 3 days was the best course of action. Yes, I know what your thinking.. thats crazy. But we thought it was manageable.. So we began our adventure Friday starting out in Cork. While DeeDee had already told me "Meg, Cork is boring, there isn't anything do"- Kissing the Blarney Stone was enough of a pull for us.

Cork 10/23-10/24

We started out a bit late. At the last minute I realized that I had to pass in a paper for a friend and because my computer was broken I had to stop in at the library and send it. So we ended up missing the 3:00 bus and had to walk down a little further to the bus station off of O'connell. We ended up seeing the results of a fight that happend a few minutes before we walked by.. needless to say there was tons of blood. It was rather disturbing.We got to the bus station with about 45 minute wait soo we were about to buy some snacks and stuff. When we finally boarded the bus, I remember saying to Steph that I hoped we got seats together. Well, that was wishful thinking bc when we finally got on the bus all of the seats had been taken and we couldnt even take the express bus. We ended up getting on another bus, that to be honest we werent even sure was going to Cork. The bus guy said it did, but when we were like 3 hrou into trip the driver got pretty annoyed when we raised our hands for Cork and we had to pull over and changed busses. We made it to Cork around 9:30 or so and since it was dark, I decided that walking around an unknown city with luggage wasn't the best idea so I voted for a taxi. We got a weird taxi driver. He must have been right off the boat because he had no idea where he was going. (in the light of day.. we ended up being very close) And then he decided to drop us off in front of some pretty sketchy people and charged us like 3 euro extra because he had to turn his car around in a tight alley way. Kinda crappy but what can you do.

the hostel was nice. they gave us a free breakfast of toast and coffee or tea. the front desk guy was clearly not a people person because everytime we asked him about how to do something ie. get to blarney, he would barely give us an answer. we were starving by the time we got into cork. So we walked into their city centre and found a burger king. I ended up eating 2 meals I was soo hungry. After dinner we voted that it was better for us to go to sleep early and not drink and wake up early to start the day off right because we had to leave for galway around 4 that afternoon. So we were asleep by 11 or so.. with the alarm set for 7:30. Saturday morning I woke up with another sore throat and popped my million things of immunity stuff that my mother packed me with. Cork didn't seem to be a lively as Dublin at 8:30 on a Saturday morning. We walked around the city for awhile, checked the bus times, and got some coffee. We had about 2 hours to kill.. so we decided to walk around Cork and take touristy type pictures. It was a great success because I managed to get some great pictures and I found a halloween costume. It seems that Ireland doesn't have a Party City type place like we do in the states. You only find costume in small sections of the most random stores. I decided to go all out and become Tinkerbell.

We took the 10:30 bus to Blarney Castle and it was amazing. I decided that I want to live in a castle. It just seems like it would be the coolest place to live. I told Steph the story of when a lady asked me what my name was and my 4 year old self said "I am the baby Princess." Clearly, I am supposed to live in a castle. Haha. As I made my way through the castle and up to the blarney stone.. I kept saying to myself "No wonder DeeDee didn't like this" the steps werent really for the faint of heart and the space was limited. We managed to climb our way to the blarney stone and when it came time for me to kiss it, Steph didn't get the shot. She got me getting up after. This is why I am the camera person in the duo. I am a born Mom who takes all those embarrassing pictures. But I figure, one day we will want those pictures, even if they arent appreciated now. I also went up backwards on the kissing steps. If you walk up the stairs backwards and only think about your wish then it will come true, or so they say. I happen to be a suck for wishes. I will pretty much do anything for a wish the come to true. And No, I'm not telling you what I wished for. We walked around the grounds and managed to be just in time for the bus to take us back to town. We had to pay double the price to get home, which wasnt advertised. We paid 3.50 to get there and had to pay 7 to get back. Steph made me laugh when she was like "Well thats ridiculous, but I guess we have to get home" I suppose you had to be there. It still makes me chuckle. Anyways, we grabbed lunch in Cork's city center and I bought my halloween costume (even got a student discount, goo me!!) I decided to be Tinkerbell. We boarded the bus at 3:30 for Galway. It was around this time that I realized my camera was dying and I forgot my charger. I'm totally going to blame Sean for distracting me Friday morning. We rolled into Galway around 8:30..

Galway 10/24-10/25

So I'm going to just start off by saying I'm not going to hold my experiences against Galway but I'm not a fan. We managed to find our way to the hostel relatively painlessly. And we ate dinner at Dominos which wasn't bad. We went to sleep around 12. We decided since we didn't have a lot of time and we were packing a lot in that we weren't going to drink. Not to mention that we had no money to spend on drinks. Soo we were both sleeping soundly until around 2am, I started having this weird dream. People were like having a screaming match in a hallway. And I remember in my dream being like "wow, this is pretty real" and then I woke up and found that it was real. Outside my room, these drunken Irish guys were screaming and banging things. This continued until about 4am when the guys who were sharing the hostel room with me and Steph decided to go out and tell them to shut up. Im not really sure how they thought them telling them to be quiet was going to help since multiple people had already told them. So things got more heated and needless to say there was broken glass against my door in the morning. It was definitely one of those scary moments in life where your like "hmm.. this prolly the most danger I've been in with no escape" I also managed to notice the size of the 4 guys sleeping feet away from me and Steph. So as you can imagine I didn't sleep for the rest of the night. I got out of bed at what I thought was 7 but later while Steph and I were walking about the city in the dark, we realized that it was day light savings and cellphones here don't change the time on their own. I also couldn't bring myself to take a shower there, I forgot my flip flops, and there was mud and bugs in the shower stall. I just couldn't do it. I know there are tons of bugs and germs in showers to begin with, but if I can see them then I can't do it.

After figuring out the bus to the Cliffs of Moher.. (which we later found out we messed up).. we went back to the hostel to check our email and have some tea and coffee. We thought we found a bus that left at 8:40. Apparently, that only runs in the summer. So we had to wait around till 10:40. I should also mention at this point we had decided to cut the trip short and not go to Belfast. I had received an email from my doc who informed me, a week and a half after the fact that I had strep throat and needed to start medicine. With my Mother's lecture about going without med for strep throat running thru my head, and the fact that we couldn't find a bus that easily went from Galway to Belfast.. we decided to go back to Dublin for a night and then just do a day trip to Belfast on Monday. We also managed to get our money back on the hostel because the night was awful. Anyways, we went out for breakfast and wondered the empty city and bought a disposable camera. It was also raining all morning. There is nothing worse then me being cold, wet, tired, and unshowered. Why Steph didn't shoot me, I'm not quite sure. We boarded the bus around 10:30 and fell right to sleep. When I woke up, I looked over at Steph who had cheeks the color of tomatos and said "Do you thinks a little warm in here?" Man, that was the hottest bus ride ever. I asked the bus driver to turn off the heat because everyone was melting but I was told there was nothing we could do about. We took an amazing bus trip through the Irish countryside. I decided on of the best ways to see Ireland is truly by bus or car. I felt like I should be paying extra getting to see that much of Ireland. The Cliffs of Moher was everything I hoped and more. For about an hour all the bullshit it took to get there didn't really matter. First time in my life, I was literally knocked over the wind. But it was amazing. The gray sky cleared and opened right up to a blue sky for us. and as soon as we got back on the bus.. it down poured. I also managed to take my very last picture on my camera b4 it died right b4 I got on the bus. Sometimes prayers are answered.

The bus ride home was awful. We were once again stuck on the overheated bus, except this time we had a full bus. So it was 10 times hotter. Also, generally speaking I don't really get grossed out by coughing or sick people being around me. But there was a women on this bus who made me cover my mouth while she was on the bus. I can honestly say I never want to look, smell, sound or be her. She has sections of her head open with wounds, She had leathery skin and this cough that made me want to throw up. It was prolly the most miserable hour I have ever spent on a bus. And we were like 2 seats away from her. Ugh. When we finally got off the bus..we got a snack and went to get our bags and hopped back on the bus for Dublin. It was a nice bus ride, only about 3 hours. I was soo happy to get home back to my bed. I never thought I would miss my bedroom here in Dublin. But oh did it feel good to sleep in my own bed and shower in my own shower.

We never made it to Belfast. We were both exhausted then the idea of getting up at 7am to go to Belfast was just a little bit too much for us. Plus Steph had a paper due. Soo I spent bank holiday, in bed, with the exception of walking with Sean to Eddie Rockets. Best meal ever. It was a good day. I like traveling and seeing Ireland, but I love doing nothing.

More to come..

Monday, October 12, 2009

Look how far we've come...Happy Birthday Baby Jake

Im a firm believer that you can't see how far you have come until you take a moment to look back to where you were.

Two years ago, I was in a pretty rough stop. It was prolly one of the lowest times in my life thus far. In September right before school started Tjay and I broke up. We had been dating since Junior year of high school. We had gone through a lot together and needless to say he was my best friend. And when it ended it felt like the entire world had crumbled in. When your with someone for so long at that age and you go through the transitions together from being high schoolers to college students.. as naive as it may sound.. you start to think that maybe it won't end..that just maybe it would last forever. It wasn't always easy but I always felt like the good out weighed the bad and generally speaking I always felt like what we had together was worth fighting for, but deep down I knew it had to happen. I knew somewhere in my heart that we would have to take time away from each other.. I guess when he came over that night and I knew that when he left he wasn't going to be coming back.. the difference between knowing something needing to be done and actually having it be done to you are completely different.

I cried. I cried alot. In fact, I became a person I never thought I would be. I stopped working. I changed my major. I changed all of my classes.. because he was my rock. When everything in my life didn't make sense.. we made sense. And so when he was gone.. when "we" were gone..I just kinda fell apart. There were moments where I couldn't breathe.. there were moments where I thought I would never be happy again. I couldn't imagine waking up and not thinking about him first thing. Everything reminded me of him.

But there was one glimmer of hope. Katie was pregnant. Which meant that my mom needed help with planning a baby shower for 50 people. Which meant that my mom decided being her assistant was clearly my calling and made me organize and decorate and plan things. Not only did I plan the baby shower but I also started to take Kate to her doctors appointments when she didn't want to go alone.

On October 13, 2007-Jake Michael Percival made his entrance into the world, exactly on his due date. And I remember holding him.. thinking to myself that I was going to be the best Aunt to that little boy that I knew how to be.

And so 5 months later when it was time for Kate to go back to work.. I stepped in. I remember being terrified. Not only was this life in my hands but it was Katie's child's life in my hands.. you don't mess with Katie. I remember the first day was pretty smooth. It was the second day that Jake's poop exploded all over his back.. through his clothes.. there was poop everywhere. I had never given an infant a bath. I didn't know what you do with poopy clothes. I didn't even know where to begin in cleaning him off.. But I remember looking down at this little boy and I said "Ok, Jake.. Don't worry.. We can figure this out." And he looked up at me and give me a little smile.. followed by a look of "who the hell did my mother leave me with.. this chick is crazy." But after that life with Jake became about figuring things out together.

I found a new kind of love. Just as one type of love in my life was leaving a new kind was coming in. A love that made it possible for me find patience when I didn't think I had any left. A love that made me stop thinking about all the meaningless drama and focus on what really mattered. A love that made me realize that this little boy could make my day by just simply giggling or smiling at me. I found joy in the little things.. I rememeber when learning a word was an achievement or walking or crawling. I had never felt prouder of a person more then when Jake learned how to do something and everytime he would look back at me with a glitter in his eye and a smile on his face. He became the man in my life.

It wasn't always rainbows and sunshine. Were there days I didn't want the responsibility? Of course. Were there days I was tired and didn't feel like getting out of bed? Yup. But at the end of the day.. that little boy brought me back from one of the saddest and confusing times in my life.. and for that I will be forever grateful. And to be honest.. I think I miss him the most. I only hope that somewhere he understands his Moo Moo isn't gone forever and will be back real soon. Happy Birthday Jake-a-Roo!!!





Sunday, October 11, 2009

last night i saw my friend become bike road kill..

Since school has started the eventfulness of living in Dublin kind of subsided, until this week..

Tuesday afternoon I was pleasantly surprised when I opened my email to find a email from Aideen. She invited me to a home cooked meal. HELL YES! Wednesday night, Aideen's husband Johnny picked me up and took me to their house. The first thing Aideen said to me when I walked in the door was "Meg! You've lost weight! You aren't eating.. we are going to have to fatten you up tonight" We had chicken, carrots, potato's, some french pastry, and blueberry crumble. It was amazing. I love home cooked food. It was kind of a bitter sweet feeling being around a family. While it was amazing being around family..it also made me realize what I am missing at home. I think I've realized if there is one thing that is the lonely feeling in the world is eating dinner alone. And at home there is always at least 1 person around to eat with you..even if that's just Bud-Bud or Sam Chop. But anyways, nonetheless it was a fabulous meal and lovely getting to talk to people who actually know my family. I never thought I would say this but I am actually looking forward to DeeDee coming. If there is 1 thing that's close to having your Mom around its having your grandmother.

We started out the weekend with a bang being Steph's 20th Birthday on Thursday. I made a banner and blew up 30 balloons all on my own and decorated my apartment to surprise her. We originally planned for have dinner at Stephs place but since no1 wanted to get up on Thursday at 7am and decorate the place.. Erica and I made the executive decision to throw an impromptu surprise party. We made quesadia's and I made a mocha cake with vanilla frosting. I managed to come up with an idea of telling Steph that I burnt the cake and she would have to come over to my place right away. Of course when I called her in a panic she told me it was no big deal about the cake and in a desperate act told her that there was smoke and the fire alarm might go off.. to which Steph apparently ran out of her apartment without stopping to tell Erica or Anna and came straight over. Its good to know if I had a fire I have a friend who would literally just stop everything for me. Needless to say she was surprised and the dinner and cake were amazing.

After dinner, we all got ready to go out and people started to arrive. We played kings and at the end.. Tom spilled his drink all over me. Soo I had to change my clothes b4 we even left belgrove. We went to Fitzgerald's, where Tom and I tried to get Stephs crush to kiss her. It didn't work..(but she ended up getting his number the next night). We then went to this club 21.. which still of course isn't really my thing but because it was Stephs bday I grinned and bared it.

Friday.. I literally spent the entire day in bed. I have started a new tradition of staying in bed and watching the new Grey's Anatomy after its been downloaded onto my Itunes, when I wake up on Friday mornings. And this Friday I had some birthday cake left over soo it was grand. By 7 I was restless and ended up going to a party with Emma.. which was interesting to say the least. They had a cake with a naked chick on all fours on the top of it. Yea.. I kid you not. I ended up coming home by 12:30 and ended up talking to Annabelle and Sean till about 4:30.. I seem to have managed to start a vicious sleep cycle.

Saturday, Stephanie and Gauthier and I went on the Guinness Tour. It was fun.. it was really just one big advertisement for Guinness. At the end though we ended up at the Sky Bar. It has the entire view of Dublin and a pint of Guinness waiting for you. I didn't end up finishing mine because I barely had anything to eat soo after half a pint I was already feeling it and I knew I had a long night ahead of me.

Saturday night we went out to celebrate Annabelle's 25th birthday. We had wine and some food at our apartment and then around 10 we headed out to a local bar. One the way to the bus stop we ran into Loic on his bike. While I was commenting on his funny light reflecting vest..we started to cross the street and I'm not quite sure how it happened but Steph went face first into Loic's bike. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. Of course she didn't move after and I had to scream at her about getting up because cars in Dublin don't care they will run you over. Still she totally beats my running into a clear door by 1000. absolutely hilarious.

We finally made it to the actual Temple Bar. I might have been impressed if we weren't so jam packed into such a little space. We didn't stay long because it was hot and I can only been that close to people in that kinda crowd before claustrophobia starts to set in. Steph, Sean and I separated from the group for about a half hour so we could go the Fitzgerald's and Steph could talk to the guy she is crushing on. She made me so proud.. She got his number and he got hers.. kids grow up soo fast ::tear:: We made our way over to Doyle's. It was clearly Steph's night because she ended up leaving the city with 3 guys numbers. It was a good night over all.. I was able to hide from the sweat-feast that is the upstairs of Doyle's by talking with Sean the entire night. Over all it turned out to be a great night.

Sunday, Tom and Steph and I went into city centre to find Halloween costumes. I found one that's really cute.. I'm going to be a Pilot. they didn't have my size but they are going to call me when it comes in. I also found a Gap in Dublin. It was walking into my homeland. I found a winter jacket soo I wont freeze in my fleece when it starts to rain and become extremely cold. Its nice to know that a feeling of going to an American mall is only a Gap away.

Monday, I was extremely impressed with myself. I managed to go to all of my classes, plus go to the food store.. clean the kitchen and all the dishes.. make dinner (soup and grilled cheese).. made banana bread (it was definitely not the best I've made..I kind of forgot that I don't have a fully stocked kitchen with baking instruments and also that I had to convert all the stuff.. soo I think its going to be a work in progess).. and I washed 3 loads of laundry. Its kind of ironic but I seem to be the only one who clean anything in my apartment. My roommates seem to take out the trash when I leave it by the door. There are some things I cant bring myself to do.. I feel like the trash is a guys job.. and while I may empty it.. I don't like having to take it to the dumpster. But I seem to be the only one who will clean the shower or clean the toilet or clean the oven and counter tops and Im the only one who has brought a vaccum into this apartment. (pick your mouth off the floor Mom.. I'm not a total pig) On that note.. I'm going to go watch a movie..I decided to put up some pictures from the weekend and of my room incase people were curious about what my room looks like.. Goodnight Dublin and Good Evening America.





Tuesday, October 6, 2009

from one sister to another..

so its come to my attention that my little sister has been thrown into the new world of boys. not that they didn't exist before but rather she has been hit with the inevitable can't think, can't sleep, can't function crush. it plagues the best of us.. and being the hopeless romantic that I am.. I have had my fair share.

Dear Libber Joe,

I wish that I could tell you the secret to dealing with this new world you have been thrown into. After all I was chasing boys in 3rd grade at recess and was called a flirt by 6th grade. You would think I had all the secrets..alas.. I'm 22 and I still get crushes that don't quit. But I have picked up some things along the way that may ease some of the pain.

1. Bad Boys are fun to hang out with but you never want to get truly involved with them. They make you feel a little dangerous..They are generally good kissers (because they have kissed soo many people) and they have that whole mystery thing down pat. But you never want to get close enough where they will bring you down. You should probably date one in your life but keep a safe distance..

2. You can't save anyone. I put this after the bad boy one because well.. its some complex girls have. we always want to save the guy. The only person you can save is yourself. If you want to break up with someone and they do the whole "omg im going to die without you.. im going to kill myself." You have a bigger problem then you can handle and should find someone else to deal with it.

3. If a boy likes you..he will find time to call you. They say they are going to call. They say that they are going to text you later. But its the guy that actually likes you that actually does it. And if you have a boyfriend who usually calls you all the time or hangs out with you all the time and then stops. You have a problem. Nothing good comes from total communication to a dead line. Also texts messages..if he really likes you..he will call you. I am beginning to believe that texts are the end of romance..its the least amount of effort to keep your attention.

4. If you feel like something isn't right. Then it isn't right. They may say that you are being crazy, psycho, bitchy, or irrational. But seriously, every time I thought something was wrong or off. It was. So don't let them make you feel like you are the crazy one. this extends to girls flirting..him not calling.. not that you should be controlling but believe me..you will know the feeling when it hits you.

5. There are going to be lots of guys. I know when I was 16.. Don said to me "Meg, your going to break hearts and have your heart broken by tons of guys" and of course I didn't believe him. But seriously, there will be more then just one guy.Its when you least expect it that another one will pop out in front of you.

6. When you go on a date.. I hear most girls don't eat alot because they don't want to look like pigs. I have never in my life watched what I ate on a date for fear of looking fat. In fact if that is true and there are guys out there like that.. why the hell would you want to date someone like that anyway.. soo seriously the only thing I was ever conscious of on a date was the price of what your ordering. Boys your age don't have a steady in flow of cash soo just watch how much your meal costs. Always offer to help pay (even if they don't expect you too its a nice thing to do and always bring enough money to pay for yourself.. ooo and offering to cover the tip is nice too)

7. When a guy calls for you the first couple of times and you have that awkward silence bc neither of you know what to say.. I have always found the best way to get to know someone on the phone is if you play the Questions game. You know.. stuff like: Whats your favorite color, whens your birthday, whats your middle name. It relieves some of the tension and it also lets you take notes on things that are important and that means if the relationship goes anywhere you can surprise him later on birthdays and holidays. Guys get very impressed when you remember random things. Soo keep mental notes.

8. Now lets say you really like someone and then he asks you out and then it feels weird. While most of my friends thought i was crazy.. if it didn't feel right then I didn't stay in it very long. Which leads me too..

9. Now call me a hopeless romantic.. call me picky.. or maybe I just listened to Cher too much as a child.. I am a firm believer in the kiss says everything. If you kiss a guy and its gross or its just weird.. then I wouldn't waste your time. Though.. sometimes it just takes time to make it work.. ur young soo you have to figure out what works for you. Only you can tell if a kiss has potential. BTW: First Kisses are something your going to remember so don't just waste it on some guy you could careless about. When you have your first kiss you want it to mean something (as much as it can mean at 16)

10.Ahh and there will be the inevitable guy best friend. Now he will be someone you have been friends with for awhile.. he is always there to give you advice and listen to you and eventually one day he will get the balls to tell you.. he has a thing for you. And you will start to wonder if you were actually supposed to be together.. you get along well right? he makes you laugh.. soo hey why not give it a shot...the kiss is a good indicator.. but also if you don't feel the same its best to be honest about it. If he is ur true friend then he will get over it and understand. and if he can't get over it and won't be your friend still then he wasn't your friend to begin with. But then again sometimes it just takes time for him to heal his heart.. and when he is healed you can be friends again.


11. You never let a guy come before your friends. This is more important when you actually have a boyfriend. You have to figure out how to create a balance between the two. Its not easy.. it will feel like you are being pulled in two different directions. But if you talk about it with them and try to spend your time equally you should be ok.

Alrighty that should be good for now.. its late.. I gotta get some sleep. If all else fails you can just ask me.. I love you, Lib. Don't worry.. your going to break plenty of hearts ;-)


Love,

Marglo

Sunday, October 4, 2009

To secret wild pasts..

My freshmen year of college, I had to write a paper commenting on this women's own essay about how she didn't like treadmills because you were running without a destination and if you were running or walking without a destination then what was the point. It was at this point in my life where I had realized that college wasn't about learning more pointless facts that in the real world prolly wouldn't do me much good. But rather college was an exercise in learning to think. So when I was given this paper, and I was talking about the assignment and the paper at dinner with my Mom, she got agitated. She didn't agree with the writer to put it lightly. And as we talked through the essay because I didn't have enough experience at the time.. I thought that both sides were right more or less. It wasn't till this last week that I full understand where my Mother was coming from.

Maybe I am my mothers daughter. Maybe the inevitable happened.. maybe it took me going across the atlantic ocean to realize how much my Mother and I are alike. I'm going to say this goes under "a blessing and a curse" category of live. As crazy as my Mother is.. as wacky and out there she appears.. she has never apologized for being who she is. Which is what I admire the most. I can only hope to be that comfortable in my own skin one day. And while she isn't perfect and she makes mistakes.. there isn't anyone I would rather be compared to. She always told me I was the most like her and I dont know if she just saw something I didn't or I was just being a teenager who needed to rebel in any way they could. But I guess I see it now. Or atleast I'm beginning to.

I was never that active of a child except for swimming and as I got older swimming became a place where the world would quiet and I could not think for awhile.. as if my body was on autopilot and there wasn't any judgements.. everything fell to the side. (this is what the women in the essay didn't like.. she didn't like going on autopilot) And I suppose swimming and running are like the same thing...its repetitive and most people find it boring. But like my Mother said back in freshmen year, there isn't anything wrong with going on autopilot.. to give right brain time to wonder while the left side does all the work. Since my shoulder surgery I cant swim anymore.. atleast for another couple of months. And with all the over stimulation here and everything Im learning and trying to take in.. I have found myself restless and wanting to swim.. to be active. So friday, on my day off, I woke up and decided I was going to go for a walk/run. It was a good run.. I havn't ran since b4 the surgery soo I didn't go far.. or run all that hard but I left feeling empowered and a bit more clear headed. I even found myself at parts taking off my headphones because there were soo many thoughts that were trying to be heard that the music just became annoying.

I have been trying to work through some gray areas of my life. I feel like when you watch peoples lives outside of the situations it is so easy to judge them. But really when it boils down.. every situation has so many shades of gray that its almost impossible to judge them. I have done things in my life that I'm not necessarly proud of but I wouldn't take any of them back because it was exactly what I wanted at the time. And if I hadn't of done things then I would have spent my life wondering what would have happend if I had acted on my feelings. And now I'm in a place in my life where I no longer have to worry about taking care of another person..I dont have to worry about making any one happy but myself. I'm in Europe for 4 months, this is one of those times in your life where you have a small window of opportunity to be free. i dont have a job.. i dont have much responsibily (except to show up to class) i don't have a boyfriend.. so im going to do things that may be out of character. im going to do things that some people don't agree with. Because no matter how dumb or stupid it may appear to the outside world.. you can't say you have lived until you have fallen down a couple times. and hell, as libby likes to say "Im creating my secret wild past."

Good Morning Ireland and Goodnight America.