Look how far we've come...Happy Birthday Baby Jake

Im a firm believer that you can't see how far you have come until you take a moment to look back to where you were.

Two years ago, I was in a pretty rough stop. It was prolly one of the lowest times in my life thus far. In September right before school started Tjay and I broke up. We had been dating since Junior year of high school. We had gone through a lot together and needless to say he was my best friend. And when it ended it felt like the entire world had crumbled in. When your with someone for so long at that age and you go through the transitions together from being high schoolers to college students.. as naive as it may sound.. you start to think that maybe it won't end..that just maybe it would last forever. It wasn't always easy but I always felt like the good out weighed the bad and generally speaking I always felt like what we had together was worth fighting for, but deep down I knew it had to happen. I knew somewhere in my heart that we would have to take time away from each other.. I guess when he came over that night and I knew that when he left he wasn't going to be coming back.. the difference between knowing something needing to be done and actually having it be done to you are completely different.

I cried. I cried alot. In fact, I became a person I never thought I would be. I stopped working. I changed my major. I changed all of my classes.. because he was my rock. When everything in my life didn't make sense.. we made sense. And so when he was gone.. when "we" were gone..I just kinda fell apart. There were moments where I couldn't breathe.. there were moments where I thought I would never be happy again. I couldn't imagine waking up and not thinking about him first thing. Everything reminded me of him.

But there was one glimmer of hope. Katie was pregnant. Which meant that my mom needed help with planning a baby shower for 50 people. Which meant that my mom decided being her assistant was clearly my calling and made me organize and decorate and plan things. Not only did I plan the baby shower but I also started to take Kate to her doctors appointments when she didn't want to go alone.

On October 13, 2007-Jake Michael Percival made his entrance into the world, exactly on his due date. And I remember holding him.. thinking to myself that I was going to be the best Aunt to that little boy that I knew how to be.

And so 5 months later when it was time for Kate to go back to work.. I stepped in. I remember being terrified. Not only was this life in my hands but it was Katie's child's life in my hands.. you don't mess with Katie. I remember the first day was pretty smooth. It was the second day that Jake's poop exploded all over his back.. through his clothes.. there was poop everywhere. I had never given an infant a bath. I didn't know what you do with poopy clothes. I didn't even know where to begin in cleaning him off.. But I remember looking down at this little boy and I said "Ok, Jake.. Don't worry.. We can figure this out." And he looked up at me and give me a little smile.. followed by a look of "who the hell did my mother leave me with.. this chick is crazy." But after that life with Jake became about figuring things out together.

I found a new kind of love. Just as one type of love in my life was leaving a new kind was coming in. A love that made it possible for me find patience when I didn't think I had any left. A love that made me stop thinking about all the meaningless drama and focus on what really mattered. A love that made me realize that this little boy could make my day by just simply giggling or smiling at me. I found joy in the little things.. I rememeber when learning a word was an achievement or walking or crawling. I had never felt prouder of a person more then when Jake learned how to do something and everytime he would look back at me with a glitter in his eye and a smile on his face. He became the man in my life.

It wasn't always rainbows and sunshine. Were there days I didn't want the responsibility? Of course. Were there days I was tired and didn't feel like getting out of bed? Yup. But at the end of the day.. that little boy brought me back from one of the saddest and confusing times in my life.. and for that I will be forever grateful. And to be honest.. I think I miss him the most. I only hope that somewhere he understands his Moo Moo isn't gone forever and will be back real soon. Happy Birthday Jake-a-Roo!!!