Sunday, December 20, 2009

the time of my life...

The last week or so of being in Ireland was craziness and I seem to have found myself a week home already and barely coming up for air now.

Because I rushed everything in at the end and after finals went to the wedding of one of my Irish relatives and then quickly got on a plane after wards.. I felt like I didn't really have much time to process the saying of goodbyes to Dublin. Part of me was relieved, because I'm not really good with goodbyes. I am usually a blubbering idiot when it comes to saying goodbye to people. So I guess I have found myself in a position of dealing with so many different emotions all at once I can barely keep track of this roller coaster I am on.

It was the other night while sitting around a scrabble board game in a friends basement when someone asked me "So, you said you learned so much about yourself, what did you learn exactly." I love it when people ask you questions that appear to be so simple but yet I still haven't even been able to begin to know everything that I learned. But I'm going to give it a shot now..

1. I learned that no matter how crazy the people around you think your choices are if your following your heart and listening to yourself, you can never make a bad decision. Its taken me awhile to figure out what if i listened to my instincts in the first place i could have saved myself a lot of drama and heartache. When I found myself applying and accepting to go to Ireland the voice wasn't just telling me but screaming. it was hard to ignore. And then after I got there I didn't really have the family and friends around me that I'm so used to bouncing ideas off of and so I found myself in situations that I didn't really have anyone to listen to but myself. And so at one point, I said to myself 'alright for once i'm going to listen to you first and see where it leads me,' I've been doing that since and having great success with it. lol.

2. No regrets. Things go wrong, people make mistakes, I make mistakes. There isn't any point in beating yourself up over it. It was only a waste of time if you didn't learn anything from it. Even if your left brokenhearted, it doesn't mean it wasn't worth your while.

3. I can pretty much do anything I set my mind to. Believing a theory and believing a practice are two different things. You can know something in theory that you can do anything and have the options but to know because you have taken yourself out of your comfort level and actually done things you thought you never in a million years would, is empowering.

4. A sense of pride for myself. I think a lot of people spend their whole lives wanting to make someone in their life proud of them. But when I look back on the past couple of years and see everything I accomplished and how I made it all happen.. I'm proud of myself and that's something that no one can ever take away from me. So I guess what I'm trying to say is.. why waste your life seeking the approval of someone when really the only persons approval you really need is your own.

5. Making judgments. Deep down we all do it, and we all know that its not the nicest thing to do but I guess its just the way it is. So while you can say till your blue in the face that you don't make judgments or that you shouldn't/wont, I know I still will but I did see the power of moving pass my judgments and actually getting to know someone.

6. somethings you don't apologize for. the way you feel, as irrational and as stupid as it may appear to the outside world, it is your truth. no justifications needed. and while the world may not revolve around me..making sure i am fed and well rested generally leads to a better world for all parties involved.

7. sometimes you just have to leave it up to the universe to decide for you. trying to define everything and make everything fit into a box is worthless. letting things go and allowing them the freedom to define themselves over time isn't.

Those are only a few things.. I'm sure there are plenty of things i have yet to even started to comprehend. I am going to miss Dublin and Ireland. I think part of me found a home there I never knew I had and to be honest I feel like deep down in my heart, its only a goodbye for a short while, one day I will go back and maybe even stay. But for now as I look back on my time in Ireland, it was everything I ever dreamed that it would be and more. I for sure feel like I may have left my heart there... I'll be seeing you Ireland. Peace Out.


While my life may not be as eventful as it was in Ireland.. my new blog is:
http://megsirishheartinamerica.blogspot.com/

2 comments:

  1. Wow. I'm just figuring some of that out now, at almost 50. I'm impressed & I'm sure you will have wonderful adventures.

    ReplyDelete